wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
