now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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