So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
