we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
