dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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