Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
