I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
