My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
