return my video game
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
