dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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