What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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