so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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