I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
