we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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