Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
