my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
