don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
