Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
