you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
