roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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