Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
