I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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