i need an iv and a liver transplant
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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