Your face is a jimmy john
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
