If i come over, it means nothing
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
