I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
