Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
