I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
