His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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