There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i think my cat just said my name.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
