I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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