I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
