She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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