He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
