WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
