If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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