Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
