hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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