I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
