Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
