I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am available for nakedness
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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