oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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