He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's never too late to be topless.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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