Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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