so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
