how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
