Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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