her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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