My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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