you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
