Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wear drunk well.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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