Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
