He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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