and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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