if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
