There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
