I want to make a zoo with you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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