She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
