remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
