I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this hospital has no fireball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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