I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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