and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
