I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
