Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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