There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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