so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
