So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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