Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I looked at my own cervix.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
