yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
