No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
