He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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