o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish life had little blips of pornography
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
