Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
