My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
