Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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