People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
