I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
