Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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