when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
