Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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