I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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