how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
