okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
